I’ve had a rough 48 hours. Toto’s death has affected me more than you can probably guess. I knew it would. That cat was like a piece of me, and I feel her absence acutely. It hurts.

“It always amazes me how emotional you are,” Kris told me last night at dinner. “You’re so much more sentimental than I am about this stuff.”

“I know,” I said. “I can’t help it.”

I’ve always had a lot of empathy for those around me, whether human or animal, but especially for those who are close to me. In many ways, Toto was the creature I’ve been closest to in my entire life. Her death hurts me more than Paul’s did, and even more than my father’s.

On Friday, Jen (a trainer at my gym) wished me bon voyage by sending me a link to a music video: Africa by the group Toto.

“I felt so bad,” Jen said at the gym yesterday morning, after she learned I’d just had Toto put down. “I didn’t know your cat’s name was Toto, and there I sent you the video to that song.”

“That’s okay,” I said. “I liked it.”

And I did. It’s a strange, strange coincidence, but now that song will forever remind me of this weekend. It forms a bridge between the bad — saying good-bye to Toto — and the good — my first trip to Africa. With its melancholy melody, it fits my mood perfectly.

I’ll do what I can to update this blog from the road, but no guarantees.

2 Replies to “Toto – Africa”

  1. Robert Muir says:

    I know what you mean JD. I watched the movie Fargo and it took me quite a while to deal with what happened to the kidnapped wife and actually enjoy the movie. Now I love it for the quirky accents and absolute irony.

  2. Cyndi says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss!! We lost our cat August 23rd. I had just left on a trip when my husband and son called to tell me the news. You’re so right, it really hurts!!!! How can a cat become so much a part of us? It does get a bit easier with time but don’t be surprised with the sudden dips. Our cat still reminds us of her. Finding a paper ball under the stove or a fur ball in an obscure corner of the house. And the shadows that make me jump thinking she’s still around. Even writing this is hard. I wish you the best. Take comfort in all your memories.

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