Out of sheer laziness, I’ve begun to get my hair cut at Great Clips. It’s right next to Safeway, so it’s easy to go there when I’m picking up groceries. I don’t particularly care for their cuts, but Kris likes them. They generally give me the same cut every time, too, which is nice, because they’ve put my preferences into their computer.

Today, however, I got something…a little different.

When I walked in, I was pleased to discover there was no wait. Alexis was able to cut my hair right away. “How would you like your hair cut?” she asked, which I thought was odd, since the info is right there in the computer.

“Well, I usually get it clipper-cut on the side with a Four, and then I like it longer on top. Basically, I need a standard businessman’s haircut.”

“So you want about half an inch off the top?” asked Alexis, holding up my hair to illustrate. It was about two inches long.

“Sure,” I said. “That sounds about right.”

Alexis began to fuss with her implements. “I hate this chair,” she told me. “It’s too far away from my stuff. My cord won’t reach.” To make things work, she had to spin me around so I was facing the back of the shop. We chatted briefly, but not much — just the way I like it.

“Do you use product?” Alexis asked a few minutes later.

“Not much,” I said. “I have some at home, but I don’t use it often.”

“Would you like me to put some in your hair today?” she asked.

“Sure,” I said.

“And do you part your hair?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said. “To the left.”

“There you go,” she said. “I think we’re finished.”

When she spun me around to look in the mirror, I just about died. My haircut was not at all like we’d talked about. Alexis didn’t take half an inch off the top; she left half an inch. She didn’t give me a standard businessman’s haircut. She gave me some hipster doofus cut. I looked like…like…well, like this:

O, my fragile heart. What could I do, though? I tried not to look shocked, thanked her, and left a two-dollar tip. I walked over to Safeway to do my shopping, but the whole time I felt mortified, as if everyone were snickering at my new hair.

“It’s not so bad,” Kris said when I got home. How could she say that? For years, she’s been refusing to let me get a short haircut. And now I have one by accident and she likes it? It makes my head look like an enormous melon!

“It’s really not so bad,” Kris said again.

“I almost don’t want to go to the party tonight,” I said.

“Don’t be silly,” she said. “Go to the party. In fact, I’ll make a bet with you. I bet nobody says a thing about your hair.”

I went, and Kris was right. (Kris Gates is always right, isn’t she?) Nobody said a thing about my hair. But I know that they were snickering on the inside!

19 Replies to “Bad Haircut”

  1. luneray says:

    Great story! I think it looks fine, but you could always go back and tell them to even it out (which would pretty much be a buzz cut in your case). It’s just hair. It will grow back. And if you can’t wait that long…hats. šŸ˜€

  2. Kris says:

    How is that first paragraph relevant to this story? Does it belong to a different post?

  3. jdroth says:

    Oops. Yes. That’s for a different post. Man, my proofreading skills are terrible lately. At least this isn’t a “feezer”-level catastrophe.

  4. Cat says:

    I like it. But I’m not known for my fashion sense.

  5. Chris Gates says:

    Jd –

    While my barber shop doesn’t even have a computer, I have had my hair cut by the same barber for two or three years. Suddenly, he went away.

    I had to teach the shop owner how I like my hair (and he had to get accustomed to how my hair grows.) Now the original barber is back, but I am sticking with the owner.


  6. Will says:

    I remember getting butchered in college a few times. There is really nothing quite like a bad haircut.

    This story is the main reason I do not mind paying a few dollars more for certain things.

  7. Kristina says:

    I like the haircut. (And I am known for my fashion sense.) Not sure what’s troubling you. And you certainly don’t resemble a melon.

  8. Alex says:

    I am sorry to hear about your hair, though I think it looks pretty good but im a total hipster. You should try a different stylist next time

  9. pam says:

    JD – I think it looks good, too (I won’t comment on my fashion sense!). I also think it is good for your “business” image: People relate to you because you are a “common man” in the world of finance. They don’t want a stuffy middle-aged guy in a suit with a generic hair-cut! šŸ˜‰

  10. Josh says:

    I’ve had the same hairdresser for 28 years. I’ve had damn near the same haircut for that long, too. It only changed once, in 2000, when I started getting it cut shorter for bicycle commuting. Wanted to minimize helmet hair and help keep my head cool beneath the brain bucket.

    Maybe when Deann finally retires, I’ll let my hair get long like Paul. Wonder how my wife would feel about a middle-aged husband with a graying ponytail? šŸ˜‰

  11. Lisa says:

    “Hipster doofus cut…” Ha!

  12. Tiffany says:

    Iā€™m far more amused by your smirk then your hair. Your hair looks fine, a little short, but fine.

  13. Jeff says:

    Isn’t this kind of like buying a $10 pair of shoes at Payless ShoeSource and then complaining because they didn’t last as long as a pair of Timberlands?

    If hair is important to you, pay a little more and find someplace where you will get the same person cutting your hair every time — someone who will *remember* how you like it cut, not have to look it up on a computer screen! Then you can schedule appts. every 5 or 6 weeks (or however often you want) and make sure you get the same person every time.

  14. jdroth says:

    Jeff wrote: If hair is important to you…

    It’s not! Hair is not important to me. (It’s important to Jeff, though. He thinks it’s Steph’s best feature! šŸ™‚ )

    All the same, I don’t want it mangled, you know? Great Clips has done an okay job before. I just assumed they would do a fine job again.

    Also, I’ve gone 22 years getting my own haircuts, and rarely have the same barber back-to-back. I’ve rarely had a problem before. This is unusual. It’s not about to prompt me to change my habits, though. As I say, hair isn’t important to me. Give me cheap, and I’m happy!

  15. Lauren says:

    Kris Gates is always right.

    Your hair looks fine. It’s your facial expression which needs help šŸ˜‰

  16. Jeff says:

    jdroth wrote: Hair is not important to me.

    Then what are you complaining about?!? It’s hair, it’ll grow back. Or you can hide it under a hat, as luneray mentioned above. If this is your only bad haircut in 22 years, you’re doing pretty good. I had my share of disappointments with SuperCuts type places with my own hair, and then a terrible haircut experience with Noah at a Perfect Look sealed the deal.

    I personally think you should drive to Bend (in the Mini, of course) every time you need your hair cut… šŸ˜‰

  17. Sue Harvey says:

    May 8th … June 14th. Hmmmmm!

  18. serenity says:

    OMG you look like a Korean movie star, get another hair cut. Quick!

  19. Mom says:

    I didn’t even notice it when you were out here. Did you have it re-cut or does it just look not as bad as you think? šŸ™‚

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