Recently Kris shared some strange recipes from her father’s side of the family. Kris’ mom, Claudia, phoned to share a strange recipe from her side of the family. I promised that I would post it if she sent me e-mail. (Claudia is a technophobe — she refuses to touch a computer.)

Well, she didn’t actually write me an e-mail, but she did dictate one to Kris’ father. I guess that’s close enough. Here, then, is the top-secret McGee Family Hemorrhoid Remedy.

This hemorrhoid remedy came from Kris’ great-grandfather on my side of the family.  He was Charles Isaac McGee who was born March 25, 1882 in Wellsville, Kansas [J.D.’s note: that’s exactly 87 years before I was born] and died October 22, 1965 [J.D.’s note: that’s exactly 1250 days before I was born] in Alhambra, California.  I received the recipe from my aunt, Lorraine McGee (Charles’ daughter) who died December 15, 2000.  Lorraine was one of seven children born to Charles and Eva McGee.  My father, Claude W. McGee, was the middle child. The recipe:

Hemorrhoid Remedy
Combine one teaspoon of Sulfur, 1/2 teaspoon of Vaseline, 2 or 3 grains of Salt, 3 drops of Mercurochrome. Do not use a metal spoon for mixing.

One has to wonder: if this mixture is not safe for a metal spoon, how on earth is it safe for your ass?

3 Replies to “Hemorrhoid Remedy”

  1. The Cat Whisperer says:

    How on earth is right… it has mercury in it and it goes on uranus… sounds pretty out of this world to me.

  2. Not sure what the specific reaction is here, but there are things we eat that aren’t safe (or recommended) for metal, or particular types of metal. Never cook tomatoes in non-anodized aluminum, for example, since the acid in the tomato will pull out aluminum–making the tomatoes bitter and dulling their bright red color. And, of course, you’ll be eating ALUMINUM. And, finally, the acid in the tomatoes can causes pits in the aluminum pot and discolor it.

    On the other hand, I have heard advice that says to cook tomatoes (and then discard them) in aluminum cookware as a way to shine it up and clean it.

    And then there’s the rule not to eat caviar with a metal spoon. I have no evidence of this, though, since when I have caviar I have never been willing to sacrifice any of it for a taste test experiment and always stick with our little mother of pearl spoon.

  3. The Cat Whisperer says:

    Maxie! Baby! Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty!

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