I Don’t Speak Chinese

31 March 2008 · 5 comments

For my birthday, Mom gave me a gift card to Land’s End. (Thanks, Mom!) Because my five-year-old slippers are dirty and stinky, I ordered a pair of mocassins. I didn’t expect them to be crafted by Native Americans, of course, but it was a little surprising to find that they were made in China.

I wore them for a couple of days with an annoying tag sticking out of each slipper. Finally, I tore the tags out in frustration. Before I threw them away, I checked to see if there was any important information. Turns out, it’s hard to tell. The tags are cryptic.

“What does this mean?” I said, showing a tag to Kris.

“I don’t know,” she said. “The slipper is made out of waffles?”

Anyone have a clue?

1 Lane March 31, 2008 at 13:26

upper part made of chipmunk hide (head and paws not included, tail is a bonus)

interior made of circuit boards

sole made of diamonds (thx Paul Simon)

2 Mom March 31, 2008 at 13:35

LOL, Lane. You’re very welcome, J.D. Maybe it’s a secret code message to President Bush meaning “We appreciate your business”?

3 john April 1, 2008 at 05:26

That picture of the shoe in the middle of the left hand column means that the slippers allow you to run as fast as The Flash!

I think the top right one has something to do with unitards.

Did you buy super hero slippers?

4 Dave April 1, 2008 at 12:02

Sheesh! Do I have to explain it all to you?


Basically, the first two symbols refer to the construction of the upper (using real leather, ie animal hide). The second two refer to the construction of the lining (it’s a woven fabric). The last two refer to the material of the sole (some other manmade stuff of undisclosed nature).

5 Sarah April 8, 2008 at 09:46

Now I thought: outer made of Madonna’s discarded early 90’s wardrobe, inner made of an aerial photo of a cube farm and the sole is empty.

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